Self Reflection Isn’t Found In A Mirror

Sure, you can look into a mirror and find a reflection of yourself but that’s not what's meant by self reflection.  Self reflection is really looking at yourself, evaluating what you “see,” and making life decisions based on what you feel.  You can accomplish this through many different methods.  Some people like to go around the world and experience other ways of life to help them figure out who they really are and what is really important to them.  Other’s like to sit, quietly, in a room and just meditate.  Some people like to do a shit-load of drugs and call it a “spiritual journey.”  Whatever method floats your boat everyone, at some point, needs to do some serious self reflection.  I have reached that point.

I’m at a point in my life where I feel very lost.  I’m not sure exactly what I’m meant to do.  I know what I like to do and what seems fun to me but I’m very critical of my skill set and my worth.  It’s a very interesting cycle I’ve gotten myself into; one day I’m extremely excited about my potential then I hit one speed bump and my entire outlook is derailed.  Why?  This is what I’ve been asking myself for the last ___ months.  Why do I question my skills so much?  Why do I question my worth so much?  Why do I question what I have to offer?  One answer I keep coming around to is that I’m afraid of failure.  Who isn’t?!  No one wants to fail, it doesn’t feel good.  But that doesn’t stop hundreds of thousands of people from doing what they love every single day.  So, I’m back to the question, “Why?”  Why do I have such a crippling fear of failure?  “That’s a great question,” I tell myself.  No matter how much I think about it, or talk to myself about it, I can’t come up with a rock solid reason for the fear.

My wife tells me that I need to just commit to what it is that I want to do and do it.  Everyone knows all the jokes about “guys and commitment issues.”  The funny thing is, I had NO trouble making the decision to commit to her for the rest of my life.  I had no fear of “failing” when asking her to marry me and no fear of the love we share.  Why (there’s my favorite question again) do I have such a fear of committing to what I want to do?  What is so scary about making a decision regarding your career path.  Honestly, what I believe, at least for guys, is that the general assumption is a man’s career defines who he is and how good he is.  That, right there, is the lie.  It’s the man who choses who he is and how good he is.  In other words, there is absolutely no difference between the most cut throat, successful business man and a sanitation worker if they both believe in who they are and how much they’re worth.

When I started this post I honestly wasn’t sure what direction I was taking this in and where I’d end up.  This has been a part of my self reflection.  Thanks for taking a little journey with me.  I just needed to write and get the ideas out there; I needed to put them in my own words to truly begin to hear them.  I know there’s a good chance you might be going through the same things right now but just know that you are not alone in your thoughts.  Reach out to a loved one or a friend and ask them to lend you an ear...or just write it out.  Sometimes you need to put your own words to an idea for it to start to make sense.

If you have a suggestion or an observation about something, anything, please e-mail it to me at ducttapebacon@gmail.com or feel free to post a comment.

Cheers,
- Justin